


if i ask you if you love me

by merlypops



Series: 5SOS Song Oneshots [31]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Boys Kissing, Depression, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Healing, Hopeful Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Moving On, Sad Luke, michael and calum are mentioned, past toxic relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 13:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18181418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/pseuds/merlypops
Summary: “Try not to hate yourself for doing the best you can,” the drummer said softly, his free hand rising to cradle the younger man’s cheek gently. “Try to see yourself the way the rest of the world sees you.” When Luke simply watched him silently, Ashton smiled, his thumb rubbing over the singer’s cheekbone. “You’re powerful and brave; you’re emotionally open and honest. You're inspiring people, Lukey. You're showing them that they can be hurt so,sobadly... but that they're still strong enough to get up and keep going. That's what you're doing now, no matter how raw you feel. You're carrying on. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”A toxic relationship leaves Luke shattered and Ashton wants to pick up the pieces again.Based on “Lie To Me” by 5 Seconds Of Summer.





	if i ask you if you love me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone. I was gonna write YWID tonight but I'm feeling emo so you can have some angsty Lashton I thought up months ago instead.  
> Fingers crossed it's okay!
> 
> Set in January 2019 shortly after Michael announced his engagement and the Lie To Me music video was released.

**_It's three A.M. and the moonlight's testing me._ **

**_If I can make it 'til dawn then it won't be hard to see_ **

**_That I ain't happy._ **

**_I ain't too happy._ **

 

It was a quiet evening. The sky was streaked lilac overhead, the sun already setting behind the hills. Luke stood alone out on the balcony, his head tilted back as the breeze stirred his curls, his tired eyes shut as his shoulders slumped a little. There was something melancholy about him tonight; something in his exhausted posture and the slight trembling of his fingers that Ashton didn’t like to see.

Luke had been doing so well lately - especially after the wonderful reaction the band had received after the Lie To Me music video had been released - but he seemed to be slowing down now. The sadness was creeping up on him again; the grief and the bone-deep ache that he masked from everyone else, but had never been able to hide from Ashton.

“Hey, Lukey,” the older man murmured, honey-coloured curls tousled in the wind as he padded out onto the balcony, the paving stones still sun-warmed beneath his bare feet. “I could practically hear you thinking from the kitchen.” He tapped Luke’s forehead gently with his fingertip, making the younger man’s lips quirk into a faint smile. “What’s going on up there?”

Luke shrugged half-heartedly as he folded his arms on the edge of the balcony, staring out into the gathering darkness. Ashton pressed closer beside him, their skin warm where their arms were brushing as he leant his head lightly on the younger man’s broad shoulder.

“Is it the music video?” Ashton asked quietly, choosing each word carefully. “Are people talking shit on Twitter again?”

“No more than usual,” Luke said wryly, his shrug nudging Ashton’s head free and drawing a weak scowl from the older man before he shuffled closer again, wrapping a muscular arm around the singer’s waist. “It’s… it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” Ashton whispered, turning his head to press a chaste kiss to Luke’s shoulder. “You can talk to me about anything. You know you can.”

Luke shivered a little at the feeling of the older man’s lips on his skin. That was something that happened now; occasional kisses, hands lingering on chests, those dark nights when Ashton’s fingertips brushed the insides of Luke’s thighs as he settled down over him and made him forget.

They were together now, sort of; had been ever since Luke’s toxic relationship had ended and he’d lost the will to take care of himself, resulting in him moving in with the drummer. For a moment, the thought was jarring; reminded him of Lie To Me and Ashton’s tweet about the metaphors in the music video: the emotional beating Luke had taken without even attempting to escape… the heartbreak his best friends had experienced as Luke fell apart, while they could do nothing but watch as he was torn to pieces.

He didn’t realise he’d grown tense until he felt the pad of Ashton’s thumb smoothing gently over his shoulder, his lips still trailing chastely across the pale skin. His hazel eyes were shut and Luke let himself watch the older man for a moment, taking in his Cupid’s bow and the long fan of his eyelashes as a soft sigh escaped him.

He deserved the whole fucking world for putting up with all of Luke’s shit but… damnit, Luke didn’t _have_ the world to give him. All he had left was the truth.

“I think…” he began slowly, his voice trailing away when Ashton’s eyes fluttered open to focus on him. Luke’s cheeks heated and he dropped his gaze, his sandy curls messy as they tumbled down across his forehead. “I feel crap because… I want to feel happy… and I’m not.”

“Lukey,” Ashton said softly, his brow creasing. “No one can feel happy all the time. You know that, right? It doesn’t mean you’re not getting better. It just means you’re human.”

“But… this is supposed to be a happy day,” Luke whispered, hating the lump rising in his throat as he twisted in the older man’s arms, laying his head on Ashton’s shoulder wearily. “Mikey’s _engaged_ , Ash. I’ve never seen him so excited… and I couldn’t even bring myself to send him a tweet saying congratulations. How is even _that_ beyond me now? I feel so… so fucking _useless_ all the time.”

He flinched as the first tear boiled over, sliding hatefully down his flushed cheek, but Ashton’s expression remained soft as he cuddled the younger man closer.

“Fuck that, Lukey,” he said kindly, his eyes unbearably gentle. “Mikey visited us this morning, remember? I was with you when you talked to him and you did nothing to ‘ruin his news’ or whatever you’re thinking.”

Ashton’s palms settled lightly on Luke’s shoulders, his expression warm as he rubbed the skin soothingly with his fingertips. Seemingly unconsciously, the younger man relaxed a little against him.

“You showered this morning, right?” Ashton murmured, his lips curving into a soft smile. “Used that shampoo that makes your hair smell all pretty, like raspberries. You ate breakfast too, didn’t you? Made it _yourself_ this morning. You even put actual jeans and a shirt on!” His smile grew and he stretched up on tiptoes, brushing his lips lightly over the younger man’s jaw. “Lukey, those things are all a big fucking deal right now, okay? You should be _proud_ of yourself... the way I’m proud of you, yeah? The way Mikey and Cal are proud of you. You’re doing _amazing_. You just have to keep going.”

When Luke still looked worried, Ashton smiled faintly, drawing the younger man down into a warm cuddle.

“Mikey loves you regardless of whether you gush to him on Twitter,” the drummer reassured him. “Social media means nothing, Lukey. It’s what’s in here that matters.” He let his palm rest gently over the younger man’s heart and Luke’s cheeks flushed as his shaking hand rose to cover Ashton’s, their fingers interlacing securely.

“Try not to hate yourself for doing the best you can,” the drummer said softly, his free hand rising to cradle the younger man’s cheek gently. “Try to see yourself the way the rest of the world sees you.” When Luke simply watched him silently, Ashton smiled, his thumb rubbing over the singer’s cheekbone. “You’re powerful and brave; you’re emotionally open and honest. You're inspiring people, Lukey. You're showing them that they can be hurt so, _so_ badly... but that they're still strong enough to get up and keep going. That's what you're doing now, no matter how raw you feel. You're carrying on. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”

Luke opened his mouth to respond but no words were forthcoming. Another tear slipped free instead but he didn’t bother to wipe it away. More would undoubtedly follow.

Ashton stretched up to capture his lips in a kiss and Luke sighed into it, his fingers tangling in the older man’s hair as the tears trickled hotly down his cheeks. When they parted to breathe again, the younger man let their foreheads rest together, his eyes squeezed shut as he inhaled shakily.

“I want more of you,” Luke whispered, his hands trembling as they curled in the back of the drummer’s t-shirt. “I always have done.”

“You have all of me,” Ashton said honestly, his eyelashes spiky with his own tears as he pressed another kiss to Luke’s lips, smiling too hard to linger there. “For as long as you need.”

Looking up into the singer’s face as the first stars flickered to life was the moment Ashton knew without a doubt that Luke was healing. They had each other and maybe - once the pain had ebbed from the younger man’s veins and he could breathe easier again - well… maybe eventually Luke would feel ready to love again, the way Ashton had loved him all along.

For now, it was enough.

Maybe it always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay!  
> I'd love to hear what you thought <3


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